Cocaine Makes You High
by a mountain of gideon's scones
Summary: A series of oneshots about various HP characters who fall afowl of the drugs cocaine and LSD. Humour and parody. Could be character bashing. You review, you get your character pushed up the list. All generations. R&R 6. Fred and George
1. Harry

_This is a fic that is based on an idea I am also doing for MV, but is being done for HP first because Vitzy asked for it!_

_I don't own anything!_

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_**Summary: what if all the characters, individually, got high on cocaine?**_

_Humour and parody… some character bashing, I guess…_

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**Harry is on LSD and cocaine…**

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"Whoa," Harry says as he begins to spin around. "Ginny, since when did you turn into a dragon?" he asks his girlfriend in confusion as he shuts his eyes to try and get rid of the strange image. But no, when he opens his eyes again, he sees the same image: his girlfriend with a huge green head and long ginger hair hanging from the side of it… oh and the _snout_ on her! God, it seems bigger than Pinnochio's _and_ the height of the Eiffel Tower added together.

"Harry, are you alright?" she asks him in alarm but he shakes his head, trying to dispel the image from his mind. He can't manage it and ends up turning away from his girlfriend, staggering around the living room of their house as he tries to go back to normal.

"Dragon!" he yells as she advances towards him, brandishing his wand to try and attack her but failing miserably. The only thing he manages to do is turn the pot of stew on the table into a blown up teddy bear like that you… well, he doesn't actually know why you use them, but he manages to transfigure it anyway. "I need to get help… DRAGON! GINNY THERE IS A DRAGON!" he yells up the stairs, staggering out into the hallway as he tries to search for the woman right in front of him.

She rolls her eyes and ends up focusing on the pot of tea that wasn't there before that he has been drinking… it has the same pattern on the rim as George's tea set that their mother bought him for his housewarming present.

"Harry, where is your phone?" she asks him gently, staying far enough away as she casts an identifying charm on the tea to see that the tea contains LSD and cocaine… so the damned brother of hers has drugged her boyfriend… well, that's normal!

He screams as Ginny turns towards him, only seeing the dragon that isn't really there, and digs his phone out of his pocket to text Hermione:

**Hermmy… drrraagn sxc innnda haaasee…. Hlp nrrrrrrr**

That is the text that he manages to send to Hermione, for some reason imagining that the word 'sxc' says 'present' in terms of being there in the house. So Hermione receives a text which is more than slightly strange.

"Stay away from me, dragon!" he yells at Ginny, groping for the door and staggering out of it. Here, he ends up falling over the step and landing on his head, huge lashings of blood rolling out of his head. Be thankful that there isn't a vampire around, is the only thought he can think of as he staggers to his feet, wiping the crimson liquid off of his head.

As he looks around at the empty street, all he can see are mystical creatures that are out to get him: gremlins, evil goblins, house elves who hate him, Death Eaters… everything possible to be against him: werewolves, vampires and even the Cornish Pixies from second year! It's more than he can bear, so he ends up Apparating away from there, somehow managing to make it past the anti apparation barriers at Hogwarts into McGonagall's study.

"Potter… how are you here?" she asks him in confusion, standing up sharply as she sees him appear in front of him. the blood pouring down his face makes him appear as if he has been in a fight to the death rather than just tripping over his front door step, and the bloodshot eyes and sweating body don't exactly aid the latter explanation.

But when he looks at her, all he sees is a mermaid, an evil creature that is after him, one that hates Harry Potter and wants him tied to the bottom of the sea.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" he screeches, launching himself at the window and jumping out of it to save himself from the mermaid…

… but just interacts with a giant in mid air.

Always a downside to jumping out of the window when you're high on coke and LSD, isn't there?

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_Whatcha think?_

_Who should I do next? Any character, any generation!_

_Vicky xx_


	2. Dumbledore

_For Vitzy_

_Thanks for the reviews!_

_I don't own anything unfortunately…_

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**Dumbledore is on LSD and cocaine also…**

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"Harry, I must speak with you immediately!" Dumbledore says in a tone which makes Harry instantly rush to the professor from across the other side of the room which is empty…

"Yes, professor?" Harry asks, a worry shooting through him that Voldemort is going to attack, that they haven't prepared enough. The expression on Dumbledore's face is so serious, that Harry would have thought that he is about to be told that his parents were dead… though they already are, so that isn't probably the best example.

"Come with me," the elderly professor motions for Harry to return to his office with him, stopping at the gargoyles that mark his office. "Erm… what was the password? Last week I believe it was 'I am a paedophile' but I was _sure_ it had changed to 'I like to run after little girls'," Dumbledore, who is on drugs though he doesn't realise it, begins to ramble on and on about his tendencies towards children.

Harry is, naturally, disturbed by this but when the professor turns back to face him with a twinkle in his eye and the password is declined, he assumes that it is simply a joke and that Dumbledore is trying to relax… albeit in slightly a weird way.

"Sherbet lemon?" Harry suggests as the password wearily, after Dumbledore recites _every_ single magical sweet and most of the Muggle ones as the possible password.

"_Finally_," the gargoyle says, as tired as Harry is – it's procedure, especially with Voldemort around and the possibility that this is an impostor Dumbledore… with the way that he didn't know his own password, the gargoyle suspects this more than usual but decides that he can keep an eye on him in his office.

"Come on, Harry," Dumbledore says in an ever so cheery voice that both cheers Harry up but confuses him at the same time. If his face warrants such a serious expression, why is he so damned happy?

But Harry, trusting his teacher entirely, follows him up the twisting stairs into his office, hesitating slightly as he enters the office _just_ incase this is an ambush but it is exactly as it ought to be.

As Dumbledore enters, he realises that he needs another sherbet lemon for he hasn't had one in quite some time (a good fifteen minutes) and the desire to have one is _overwhelming_. There seems to be something slightly different about them but they just _taste so good_… he can't actually remember ordering this batch but with the entire 'anti Voldemort' efforts going on, he must have done it without realising.

"So, sir, what's so important?" Harry asks urgently, the desire to know the information just overwhelming him. he supposes he ought to control himself a bit more but… but, he wants information and that is what he is going to get!

Dumbledore smiles, the entire wrong emotion in Harry's humble opinion, before inclining his head towards the table, which has only the sweets on it.

"I thought you may desire one of my sweets," he shrugs, the explanation so ridiculous that Harry throws his head back and roars with laughter.

"Sir, I am being absolutely serious, what's gone on?" Harry says, his tone even more serious now because he thinks Dumbledore was simply trying to break the ice. But he declines the offer of a proffered sweet, sensing something strange and not wanting to accept this for some reason… and, after all, he had never been offered a sweet by Dumbledore before that wasn't his own.

Dumbledore looks up at Harry and realises that there _is_ something else that he wants to tell him, something he ought to have told him a long time ago. "Harry, you're right… there _is_ something else," he says, pausing for dramatic effect and to have Harry on tenterhooks to know _what _it is…

"Sir?" Harry cannot help himself but prompt Dumbledore, someone who now seems to be seeing things… his eyes narrow as he looks in the back corner – _surely_ he isn't seeing a model of the Ferris Wheel in Scotland, the only place he desires to visit? Surely not… it couldn't fit in his office could it?

"Ahh, yes, my point," Dumbledore says, thinking through how to say this. "You see, I hate to break this to you, my little Harry, the only bright point in my life, the only star that shines for me now, but you are not your parent's son," he startles Harry by saying…

"WHAT? No, no, _no_, I look like them both!" Harry exclaims in utter shock, wondering what Dumbledore could be saying.

The little voice inside Dumbledore's head goes _teehee_ at this, the evilness of it almost too much for him to handle, for him to continue telling the lie. "I am afraid all those photos are fabrication… Lily and James were fake people, cover names from two of the evilest people in the world," he continues, destroying Harry's heart.

Part of the drug addled man – who is now debating about whether he could go and attempt to sleep with a unicorn in the woods, and if not whether McGonagall would perhaps replace the unicorn – is hurt that he is lying but the other 99.99999% of him eggs, well, himself on to continue it.

"Your real father is…" he, once again, pauses for dramatic effect. "Voldemort." This makes Harry fall backwards in shock, his wand accidentally impaling in his buttockt... of course, that would _have_ to happen, since what was the rule? _Don't carry wands in your back pockets!_

Of course, the drugs would say this… then again, it's a miracle it wasn't Hermione that he had dragged in here and told that she is pregnant with the child of the wizarding world's equivalent of God:

Himself.

* * *

_Whatcha think?_

_Who next?_

_Review please _

_Vicky xx_


	3. Snape

_Snape_

_So, I think there are a couple of other characters I said I would do soon, but I had an idea for Snape, so…_

_I don't own anything… I don't think haha_

_**set before, well, he dies, but idk when it's set though**_

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He barrels his way down the Hogwarts corridor, ignoring the strange looks he gets from many of the Hogwarts students who have never seen Severus Snape anything other than straight-laced and _certainly_ not wearing Muggle clothing. It just isn't _him_: even though he is young in comparison to the other teachers (most of whom are in their fifties at _least_) he has never been one for the jeans and a t-shirt craze so many of the male students favour.

But, generally, seeing _Severus Snape _heading down the corridor with a definite unsteadiness is not the done thing… nobody has ever seen him drink more than three glasses of wine, so why the _hell_ is he like this?

"Lily," he incoherently mumbles a name as he crashes into three walls – he falls into one side of the corridor, then rights himself enough to end up heading for the _other_ side, to then return to the other side once again: that side is nice; he _likes_ that side. "Lily, where are you?" he continues, evidently having had a little time jump back to when he was a student at Hogwarts and before he insulted her by calling her a Mudblood. No, he is simply looking for his friend.

He staggers down into the grounds, searching desperately for his Lily. He has missed her in the last fifteen minutes since he considered where his best friend was (why he was in a teacher's office was beyond him) and all he can think of is finally telling her that he loves her. He's been waiting so long now; he needs to confess his feelings soon otherwise he could be forced to turn to other women. No, he wouldn't _really_… or would he?

He ignores his internal debate as he walks down the corridors, his eyes bloodshot and entirely crazed. Professor Flitwick catches sight of him, his black hair in curtains over half of his face, and _is_ going to ask if he is alright, before continuing on his way. He decides that if Snape, at the age of about 30, is yet to sort himself out (for he needs a _good_ wash) then he, Filius, is unable to help. So Flitwick continues on his way and ignores the Snape who staggers out into the grounds.

The sun almost blinds him, so he casts a rather atrocious charm that ends up covering the sun with an enlarged version of the photo of Lily Evans he keeps on the side of his bed, from when they were 11 years old, and causes all the students to moan. But Snape doesn't care because… guess what?

He has just seen Lily by the side of the lake!

Unbeknownst to his strange sense of sight, it is actually Ginny Weasley, one of the students he hates, but because of her long red hair, he assumes it is Lily. So, thinking he is younger than he is, he staggers down there, belching rather loudly on his descent through the grounds. Every student he passes looks at him strangely, some rushing off to call Madam Pomfrey or Dumbledore or _someone_ to help Snape… however, the Weasley twins decide to get the camera from one of the technology obsessed kids in a lower year than them… and decide to film the entire thing. They decide that they can use this to blackmail Snape into giving Gryffindor 5000 house points and that he cannot take them from them _ever_.

He strides forwards, his most confident and stable walking from the dungeons (lord knows how he got up the stairs), and crashes into one of Ginny's friends, causing her to fall to the ground in pain. But he doesn't say anything, simply averts his attention to Ginny, who is naturally confused and scared as to why a) Snape covered the sun with a picture of her lover's mother and b) why he is now standing over her with an expression she used to look at Harry with.

"Um, sir?" she questions but he presses a finger to her lips, causing everyone to 'OOOHHH' at the fact that a _teacher_ is touching a student.

"I love you, will you marry me?" he questions her, but doesn't wait for a response. He then pulls her into his arms, ignoring her fight to get free. "You don't love Potter, you love me," he continues, his lack of first name meaning that the wrong generation is _entirely_ in play.

He then moves his lips down to press to hers but-

Firstly, he is hit with a jet of light from the back, George Weasley (at least we _think_ it's George) pointing his wand in Snape's direction. He then lends his sister a hand to stand up. "Nobody kisses _our_ sister without permission… especially that greasy slimeball!" he says to cheers, causing Harry to shudder painfully.

Meanwhile, Snape's unconscious body is rolled into the lake where the Giant Squid snaps it up.

And this is the end of Severus Snape, high on cocaine!

* * *

_What do you think?_

_Who do you want next?_

_Review please _

_Vicky xx_


	4. Dobby

_Dobby_

_I can't remember who I promised this to, so let's just say it's for all of you who want to see what can happen to an already hyper House Elf when they're drugged._

_I don't own anything_

*set sometime after book 4*

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"Dear me, what have we here?" Dumbledore asks himself as he looks down at the unconscious body of Dobby the House Elf. He crouches down next to his side, just as a bunch of fifth years run down the corridor, searching for the House Elf.

"When's the wedding, Potter?" Malfoy yells at Harry, who blushes as he reaches the House Elf… and this is how this has come about…

…

Dobby staggers through the corridors, getting strange looks from the couple of sixth years he passes. However, they don't bother to stop him to check that he is ok because, well, he's Harry Potter's House Elf friend and _anyone_ friendly with Harry Potter aren't normal. And, anyway, he is a _House Elf_; they don't exactly hang out with them that much, so maybe they're all like that!

Dobby continues down the corridor and, as soon as he has passed the students, he bursts out into song once again:

"Yo, you jolly ol' wizard, we're having a ball, come join us and fight, use green and red spells I don't care _because we're all getting drunk_!" he squeals, singing a wizarding hit from the mid-1920's which he knows because it was played repeatedly in the Malfoy Manor when Lucius got drunk (which was a regular occurrence).

As he reaches the end of the corridor, he decides that he hasn't seen Harry Potter in a long time, so he ought to find him. That's why he deigns to jump into the air and use his magical powers to shoot him through the air, as if he were Superman… not that magical creatures know of this superhero.

Using his magical powers that really are just the fact that he memorised Harry's timetable when he was sleeping, he zooms along the corridors to Charms, where he crashes into the door, giggling hysterically. Flitwick opens the door and as soon as he does, the House Elf runs into the room, yelling about the fact that he loves Harry Potter… until he runs into the wall.

He lands on his back as the room laughs, besides Harry and his two best friends, until he jumps up and turns to face them with a harsh expression on his face, dampened slightly by the dazed appearance of his eyes. "Now, you listen to _me_!" he squeaks, placing his hands on his hips indignantly. "Just because I ran into the wall does _not_ g-give you *hiccup* the right to laugh *hiccup* at me!" he screeches, his voice getting so high that the people closest to him have to cover their ears, it hurts so much.

Flitwick raises his wand to silence him, but Harry stands up and yells, "NOOOO! Sir, you can't do that!"

Hermione joins him and nods gravely. "It's against the law of 1875; the equality act for lower creatures means that, in a situation where they are paid for their work, to cast magic on them is against the law!" she says, causing the entire class to groan as she is the only one who pays attention to _any_ of the laws of the world.

Flitwick sighs but puts his wand away, just as…

"HARRY POTTER!" dobby screeches, running across the room and bumping into fifteen tables as he does so. He grasps Harry's left leg and doesn't let go, kissing it and using his magic to lift the trouser leg so that he can kiss Harry's bare skin.

"Dobby, could you please stop that?" Harry asks, embarrassment colouring his face. dobby looks up and nods, letting go of Harry's leg as he remembers something else he was going to ask him.

"Harry Potter, I have… I have loved you since the moment I met you," Dobby begins in a high pitched voice, the entire room looking on with silent laughter. Harry's face darkens to look like a beetroot as he realises what Dobby is saying. "Will you _please_ marry me?" he asks, utterly serious with the addition of wings of courage from the drugs.

Harry sighs as the room wolf whistles, waiting for his response. "I… yes," he agrees, knowing that if he didn't, Dobby would go jump off the top of the tallest tower – he threatened that when he was drunk the other week.

"YIPPEEE!" Dobby yells, magicing an elephant and a donkey into the room as he throws his arms up in excitement, flying high into the air again. "Harry Potter will make me the happiest House Elf alive!" he screams out, making a ring box appear next to Harry. The boy opens it to reveal a golden ring with a diamond in the middle, a note from Dobby saying:

_Dearest Harry, you are going to be my husband! YAY! I'm so happy… please wear this ring… I saved up for three years to buy it! Dobby xxxxxx_

"Dobby, perhaps we can get back to lessons now?" Harry says pointedly, not wanting the House Elf around, especially with all the taunts from his fellow classmates that he is now marrying a House Elf.

Dobby's face darkens as he realises Harry Potter doesn't want him around. "You… you don't _want_ me?" he confirms, his eyes filling to the brim with tears.

"No, no, I mean, I … we have to learn, Dobby," Harry presses on, not wanting to hurt the House Elf's feelings, but not wanting him in the room anymore.

"I love you and you don't want me… _I'm going to die_!" Dobby yells, flying through the air towards the door. His unhappiness mixed with the drugs causes him to smash into the wall a few more times until Professor Flitwick kindly opens the door for him, the class instantly bursting into laughter as soon as he is gone.

"KILL ME NOW!" Dobby yells, so loud that the Charms class can all hear it.

"Perhaps you ought to go after him," Flitwick sighs, sitting back down on his cushions and debating about whether or not he can get chance to read his copy of Knitting Weekly now, before he has to give it back to Dumbledore.

Harry nods and the entire class rush out of the classroom, searching for the crying House Elf until…

BANG!

They hear the crash that reverberates around the entire castle, just outside Dumbledore's office.

Dobby crashes into a piece of wall that manages to fall down, since the momentum was so high when he crashed into it… and this is the consequences of someone giving Dobby the House Elf drugs!

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_This is all that came to my mind when I thought of Dobby high._

_Hope it was ok._

_I think it's Luna next, then McGonagall_

_Review please_

_Vicky xx_


	5. Luna

_Luna_

_Sorry for not updating for like __**ages**__ (believe me when I tell you there are stories that haven't been updated for WAY longer) but I've been busy_

_Exam results, yano, getting the top grades :D _

_I don't own anything_

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Luna… she's a strange character. She's batty and rather obscure, so much so that people can't actually tell when she's being serious and when, on the rare occasion, she actually makes a joke.

Therefore, using the same logic, it stands to reason that when she's high, you're not going to be able to tell the difference between her batting away of Wrackspurts (a creature _many_ people disagree with) and when she's dancing like that when she's high.

Then there's the next point: why _would_ Luna get high? It's not like she has to escape to find some strange land – she's there already!

~x~

Luna grins as she heads through the grounds, on her way to Care of Magical Creatures. Dumbledore, when _he_ was high, decided to merge her year and Harry's year together for CoMC, since there wasn't _that_ much interest in it from the year below once they saw it was Hagrid teaching it.

The sun is out in the sky, but it seems a little bright to Luna, who therefore conjures some of her special radish sunglasses to put over her eyes, rendering her almost incapable of seeing more than a foot in front of her.

This sight deficiency evidently leaves Luna open to a variety of practical jokes as she staggers around, muttering a song about murdering her troll father that she learnt the other week. Students steal her pens, books and even give her a wedgie but she doesn't seem to care as she hovers precariously over the edge of the stairs on the way down to the class…she's late and she _especially_ doesn't like to be late when she's high…

Or, rather, she _was_ late until she took a step too far off the stairs and ends up bouncing down the hill, towards the class. Nothing hurts as she rolls; instead, she simply giggles like a crazy girl and sings "he'll be coming down the mountain" or whatever the song is, but editing a few things, like the gender and stuff like that.

Nobody hears Luna as she comes down – or, if they do, it's nothing out of the ordinary for her to be screaming with excitement. Even Hagrid doesn't turn around to see her rolling down the hill, her momentum increasing with every metre down she advances until…oh, yes, she lands in the mud pile.

Sopping with mud, Luna stands up and staggers around, mistaking the mud for chocolate. _Why have I landed in a vat of chocolate_? She thinks to herself, beginning to debate about eating some of it as she starts to siphon some of it off.

"Oh my _god_, Loony Luna is _eating mud_!" one of the nastier girls in her year begins to laugh, pointing and trying to get everyone to laugh. Unfortunately, this sort of backfires as none of the Gryffindors want to laugh and since all the others think Harry is this crazy dude who could kill them all if he wanted to, none of them particularly want to get on his bad side.

"Luna, that's _mud_, not chocolate," Hermione says gently, quickly making the rest of it disappear from her clothes so that Luna can't suddenly decide to start feverishly licking at her clothes with the mistaken belief that it's chocolate… as that would be not only icky to know, but icky to watch.

"Is it?" Luna says in her dreamiest of voices, shrugging slightly. "I thought I landed in a vat of chocolate… it's so _yummy_," she says, finding a spot of mud Hermione missed and licking it.

This time, everyone (including the 'crazy' Harry Potter) shudders and step away, besides Hagrid who has obviously eaten a lot worse than this. "Righ', well, class…" Hagrid trails off as everyone heads off to the benches to start writing up their work so far without him even having to say anything – Luna's performance put them right off playing up.

Unfortunately for the class, Luna has spotted a boy she likes – and she _really_ likes him. "Harry?" she calls the name of the Boy-Who-Lived, who turns back and thinks, _what is __**with**__crazy people recently having an obsession with me_, walking to Luna.

"Yes, Luna?" his exasperated tone shows how close he was to calling her Loopy, which probably wouldn't be very good… but she's only a little stranger than usual – for all he knows, this could be Luna's personality on the day before a new moon.

"I love you," she whispers, reaching across to kiss him, her lips tasting only muddy to him. He fights to get off but she clings on tightly, grabbing her wand and casting some spell that attaches her to him for the next three weeks…

~when she comes down~

Harry and Luna sit in the Great Hall, together, since they're bound by her magic, when her eyes uncloud slightly and she looks at him. "Oh, Harry, why are we bound together?" she asks, finding herself unable to move her left arm from his right one.

He shoots a look at her and sighs. "You charmed us together, so we're locked up like this for about three weeks, Dumbledore said. Were you being ditzier today than normal or what?"

"I can't remember anything," she admits, before spotting a ring on the fourth finger of her left hand. "Oh, what's this?"

"You made us get married as well," he tells her.

Oops.

* * *

_So, that wasn't as good as the others – sorry. _

_Someone who is already like that can't really do much on drugs._

_Fred and George next, I think :D_

_Review, if you want XD_

_Vicky xx_


	6. Fred and George

**Fred and George**

**Sorry for the long update**

**I don't own anything**

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The bottle of alcohol sloshes from side to side as Fred throws it back down on the table, his vision blurring as he tries to look at his twin, who has the same thing going on with him.

"Whoa…" he mutters, staggering to his feet to head over to the window. "This is _epic_!" he continues, ripping open the curtains (bad move in the middle of a war) to gaze out, his eyes picking out every single detail outside. The colours…they're so _bright_; has the sign across the road _always_ looked as if it's pink with purple swirls and luminous green flowers all over it?

"You don't say, brother, you don't say," George, slightly less intoxicated by the drug, says, standing up and instantly falling onto the floor. The mind is changed: he's _definitely_ as intoxicated as Fred is. "You know what I think we should do?" he asks Fred as he struggles to his feet, being blinded by the light emitting from the…table…that's mahogany and got no lights built into it.

"What do you think we should do, Georgie?" Fred mocks his brother as usual, having forgotten their Gred and Forge routine they used to do before they "grew up".

"I think we should get our wands and go out there and pummel every Death Eater we find so that they're no longer recognisable, then get loads of money and be made Ministers for Magic!" he gestures widely with the cane he just happens to find hanging on the back of the sofa, for some strange reason, and almost hits Fred.

Fred, because he's the amazingly reactive devil who has perfect eye-leg coordination, manages to step out of the way of George's gesticulating…and falls forwards into the window.

Which is, unfortunately for him, open.

"ARGH!" he screams like a girl, alerting all the roaming Death Eaters below to the fact that he's almost in their nightly territory…him, the boy who mocks them every single day from his extremely dark magic prohibiting premises, is almost upon them.

"NO!" George cries, jumping over the sofa and grabbing both their wands as he too falls into the window. He crashes into Fred, who is hanging onto the window ledge with his fingertips, and ends up causing his twin to fall down into the road a whole…metre below.

"They're coming for me!" the drugs make Fred hallucinate that the three Death Eaters coming towards them (though admittedly ugly) look the same size as a troll, with similar features and odours that, if his nose is uncovered, will seep into him _and make him one of them_.

"Have a wand, Fred!" George throws his brother his wand but misjudges the distance, the bright lights hanging above him making him think Fred is ten metres further away than he is. "Sorry – look, _I'll_ help you – **DANCE IN YOUR PANTS**!" he screams at the oncoming Death Eaters who seem to be so confident in their ability to beat the boys that they're stopping and discussing a daisy growing on the side of the road – yes, Death Eaters can be botanists, you know!

"What the _hell_ was that?" Fred roars at George in regards to the spell "dance in your pants" that isn't really a spell but George has always wanted it to be. He almost made Ron believe it before sunshine daisies became a better replacement.

"That was…oh yeah, a fail," he mutters, squinting in an attempt to see the Death Eaters. "Fred, why is your nose covered?" he inquires as he twirls his wand and yells random words at the oncoming Death Eaters, his only real spell being a tiny hole formed in the road.

"Because they're trying to _gas_ me to death, fool, and they want to do the same to you!" Fred hisses and makes George scream in fear.

"Oh my _God_, I don't want to die!" he cries, using his wand to conjure a piece of the Death Eater's cloak to cover his nose.

"That's it, they've had it now!" the biggest Death Eater (who is about five foot three inches) growls…his voice sounding like a girl to the world, yet a troll's grunt to the twins who now have thrown themselves on the floor in fear.

The Death Eaters cast spells at the boys who cower away and clutch at one another as each spell comes, taking it in turns to yell for their mother. George begins to utter random words, hoping each one will be the spell that sends the Death Eaters away to the naughty step and so they can get up and have a little party with all the colours.

When the Death Eaters are merely five metres away, they stop…and the ground starts to crack. Evidently George's little crack in the road did lots of damage, something which makes the twins look up from their prayers to Jokulbee, the king of jokes, to see two of the Death Eaters falling down the hole into oblivion.

As they stagger to their feet, the lights once again blind them. They begin to cry out for darkness, just as the remaining Death Eater begins to run away…but he mistakes how scared the twins are now of this _really_ scary snake thing that has just came up behind them, causing them to run into the Death Eater (a positive midget at four feet tall, fully grown) and throw him to the floor.

"JERADIMO!" George cries out, clinging to his new best friend on the floor, the one who _doesn't_ smell bad and makes all the bright lights go away - a major positive. "Fred, hold onto him, he's _cool_!"

Even though Fred is scared stiff, he clings on and continues to do so till the traders begin to come down Diagon Alley three hours later to open their shops.

"They've caught a Death Eater!" the owner of a rat store yells, calling for the Aurors to come quickly to arrest him! meanwhile, Fred and George are asleep and dreaming of bouncing on trampolines in the middle of the sky – maybe that's the plan for the next time they have a little bit of "naughty stuff".

* * *

_Thoughts?_

_Don't fav/alert without reviewing please and thanks._

_Vicky xx_


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